Most health writers tell you all about how to stay healthy. They’re constantly going on and on about boring topics like “exercise” and “moderation” and “avoiding adult onset diabetes.” Like those are things the rest of us are even remotely interested in. We want answers on how to completely ruin our health and we demand to know how to do so as quickly as possible. When you absolutely, positively want to do the greatest amount of damage to your body as fast as you can, the following tips will get you there.
- Eat more junk food. About 600,000 Americans died of heart disease last year and many of those deaths could have been avoided. Heart disease is the number one killer in the United States and as the obesity epidemic grows, this number is expected to increase.
- Take up smoking. Illness related to tobacco is the nation’s number two killer. In addition to lung cancer, smokers enjoy an increased risk of heart attack and stroke. The damage is immediate; one cigarette immediately increases blood pressure, so you can see the quick results you need.
- Get more stress in your life. Chronic stress causes your adrenal glands to work overtime, which eventually leads to an inhibited immune system. This means that you need to live in a constant state of aggravation. No relaxing yoga poses for you; you’ve got worrying to accomplish!
- Party like you live in a fraternity house. No drinking a glass or two of red wine to benefit your heart. If you’re planning on joining the other 99,999 people who die as a result of alcohol every year you’ve got to beat the temptation to drink responsibly and moderately.
- Make your car as fun as possible. Wearing a seatbelt and paying attention to your driving is yesterday’s news. Texting, applying makeup and playing with the radio are the new hotness and this season’s “must have” accessories for ensuring tragic consequences as quickly as possible.
- Short change your sleep. Sleeping less than seven hours a night increases your risk of diabetes, obesity and even cancer. Mental fatigue is also a risk that can be deadly when you mix it up with driving. Remember, you’ll have plenty of time for rest when you’re dead!
- Ignore your doctors. They only spent nearly a decade to learn how to treat the human body. What makes them think they know more about your health than they do?
There you are—seven fool-proof ways to ruin your health that you’d have to be a fool to fall for. You don’t have to perform a major overhaul on your life; even avoiding just a single item on this list will improve your quality of life dramatically. Why not make an effort to make one healthy change in your life right now? A single change may be all you need to start the ball that is a healthy lifestyle rolling. If you need help kick starting your healthy lifestyle changes, contact your chiropractic team. They’ll be able to help you get on track and stay that way.
Photo credit: Shots in the parking lot by mcclouds. Used under a Creative Commons license.
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